Quite unintentionally, I’ve had a month off of Instagram. It started off as me needing to chill the fuck out and stop comparing online to other people, but I slowly realised I needed to find myself again – without trying to sound too cliché. I missed the excitement and creative energy I once had for my platforms and taking a breather seemed like the right thing to do. This break came as a culmination of different things. Needing to refocus and manage my time better, prioritising my career and personal life goals and the realisation that my content just wasn’t up to scratch. When you’re self-employed and the only person who really has your back is yourself – it can make you feel like a failure. On top of all that, I had general life admin, relationship troubles and sustaining an income to contend with.
Something that has been playing on my mind for a while, is actually, coming to the realisation that I am not well within myself at the moment. I have fallen victim to this tiny piece of the internet that has stripped me of my confidence and chipped away at my mental health.
It’s so hard for me to try and be one of those people that preach about knowing your worth when I am constantly finding myself in a rabbit hole of comparison. I am struggling to keep up with what everyone else is doing, comparing online profiles to my own and damaging my own journey in the process. Somewhere along the way I’ve forgotten why I’m doing this job. I am a content creator and I want to be able to share aspirational, meaningful pictures. I don’t want to fall into this trap of putting out universally appealing content because that’s what we’re now supposed to do – that’s what guarantees the likes.
Nowadays it is far too easy to get sucked into the trap of comparing online, which can more often than not, lead to desperation. I have always been about authentic connections. So I needed space to go back to the beginning so I can focus less on numbers and more on the power of my network.
I realised deep down, and somewhat always knew, that I’d rather spend time focusing my energy and passion into creating beautiful content I am proud of, for brands I love, shot with an equally talented photographer behind the lens – instead of capturing a quick outfit pic for the gram using my iPhone because I know I can be better than that. There’s no point in following the crowd or listening to the masses about the algorithm or whether iPhone vs DSLR images perform better, as what works for someone else may not necessarily work for me. I love editorial style content. I love going out on planned shoots but falling in love with the outtakes that were never supposed to make the cut. That’s what makes me happy, and proud to be able to call this my job.
I also wanted to get back into writing blog content, not just for you – the reader – but for me. There is such an exhilarating feeling – one like no other – that I get from spurting out 500 odd words or so, on this little platform I own. Regardless if I publish my work or it stays in the depths of my drafts for months on end. I love being able to write down my thoughts, frustrations and general musings on life and finding the ability to share them with you with the right words brings me so much pleasure.
Now is the time to make my own mistakes. I want to learn from my work and listen to my audience as I build a personal brand that I am proud of. I hope you’ll stick with me on this journey. And if you’re new here then buckle up – it’s going to be one heck of a ride, but I’m excited to see where this takes us.
Love, Aysh x