Setbacks. Something we’ve definitely all had to deal with in life at one time or another, and let me start off by saying I applaud anyone who’s been through hard times and managed to keep on going. No matter who you are or how successful you’ve been, a difficult day can make it hard to find the determination to keep on going. But you must. No matter what part of your life you are experiencing setbacks in, just keep powering through – and I promise, it will be the best thing you ever do.
Sometimes things happen for no reason – that’s just life. It’s how you deal with it that defines you as a person. As someone who’s dealt with a few setbacks in life, I’ve learnt the most important thing is to cut yourself some slack. One of the first steps I’ve realised in doing this is to eliminate the blame. If you’re not happy at work, don’t blame your boss – find out what it actually is that’s making you unhappy. If you’re not progressing as quickly as other people (take Instagram for example), don’t blame the algorithm – perhaps look at your content and analyse your performance. It’s that simple. Forget blaming other people, move forward and stop dwelling on circumstances you cannot change. It does you absolutely no good, and that’s speaking from experience. While you can’t change what’s happened, you can choose how to deal with it and take action to help you power through. Remember, setbacks happen to everyone. Even the successful people, the ones we occasionally look towards for inspiration, have experienced obstacles at some point in their lives.
In order to figure out where things are going wrong, it is important to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. My number one top tip and something I used to be so scared of doing, is to step out of your comfort zone. It does the world of difference if you can learn how to be confident and commit on seeing something through from start to finish. Take events for example – I used to hate going to events alone and would literally always skip them because I was scared of being that girl who doesn’t know anybody, walking aimlessly around a room. Now, I rock up to two or three events a week without checking in on who’s going beforehand. And shock. I end up knowing at least two people there, OR I go out of my way to introduce myself and connect with new people. We are always going to deal with problems no matter how minor or major they may be, but trust me – it is so much easier to push through if you see them as a part of life’s bigger picture.
Life is full of setbacks, and if you think it isn’t, then you’re being naïve – and I know because that used to be me. Now I expect setbacks. I try to look at them as life’s building blocks – a way to learn from mistakes and improve as time goes on. The key to progression here is not to expect setbacks and roll with it but set time limits for disappointment, stay resilient, and create a plan of action to get yourself back on track. And if you still don’t understand, think to yourself – what would Beyoncé do? She wouldn’t sit and wallow in self-pity but think about her next steps, get up and kick some ass. What separates successful people from the unsuccessful is that they get up and get back into it rather than dwelling on what could have been.
Now I’m not saying it’s going to be easy because life is definitely a bumpy ride. My advice to you would be to give yourself time, as impatience only makes things harder. It’s become a millennial habit to look and appear as though we have everything intact – we are in such a hurry to fix our problems, we often forget to look into the main cause. Think about relationships. The same way we allow ourselves to heal after pain or heartbreak is the same way we should look at obstacles that occur in life.
I once read a quote that says “You need both the peaks and the valleys to keep yourself moving forward. The ups remind you where you want to go, and the downs push you to get there” and this really stuck with me.
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this: how do you guys deal with setbacks in life?
Love, Aysh x